jedi510

Repost from https://www.deviantart.com/alex-canine845. Women should be in charge of their own bodies.

Today I had a moment where I just broke down. I had gone with my mother and brother out to the coast for the day. It should have been a great time. Fresh air and promising weather. But when we got there the beach was crawling with people, most of them without masks and ignoring the six-foot spacing rule. I was so frustrated by the sheer stupidity I was witnessing. But that wasn't the worst part. It sent me into low boil. I kept internally cursing my government for the sloppy handling of the Covid-19 pandemic, people for disregarding the safety rules in favor of playing in the waves, and putting myself down for my "inadequacies."

What I couldn't figure out was why it was bothering me so much in the first place. It wasn't until we were driving home. I randomly likened the situation I had experienced in Job Corps. Suddenly I realized that was why I was so upset. The entire situation was a trigger for me. The quarantine and rule-breaking was just like my time in Job Corps. I realized the horrible truth... Although I had graduated the program and gone home, I had never left Job Corps.

In 2010- 2011, I went to Job Corps in Yachats, Oregon. I went to study auto mechanics in hopes of finding work in that trade. I spent 11 and a halt months there. And it was pure hell for me. I went in there bright and idealistic, under the impression that the place was an organized and structured learning center. To my shock, I was one of only about ten out of over a hundred young adults who actually went there to learn. The rest treated it like it was a paid vacation. I was shunned and bullied by the other students. I learned nothing from my teacher. He seemed to have expected me to just pick up a wrench and know what I was doing right off the bat. The campus was a closed unit and we couldn't leave outside of special events. And then there was the rule breaking. If a student got caught smuggling drugs or something like that the whole campus got punished. Any planned events were canceled. I spent so much time fighting with others that I had to seek counseling. I even heard a rumor that someone started that said I was gonna get a gun and shoot the place up. In the end I graduated, but I left as a broken man. I came away from that place with nothing but a shattered confidence, shaken mentality, and bad memories. I still have nightmares that I am willingly going back there.

You know how people who fought in a war will tell you they never left the place they fought in? I now understand what they mean. Job Corps had such a traumatic impact on me that mentally, I'm still stuck inside that damn fenced compound. I think all of those traumatic months have left me with something called Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am going to talk to my counselor about it and try to find out if there is a test for it. Until now I never started to realize how badly those months actually affected me. Wish me luck.

" Now Main Street's whitewashed windows and vacant stores Seems like there ain't nobody wants to come down here no more They're closing down the textile mill across the railroad tracks Foreman says these jobs are going boys and they ain't coming back..."

My Hometown, Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band

Well, as if 2020 wasn't bad enough already we have new issues mounting. People are using BLM as an excuse to destroy historical monuments, the US Government is corrupt as fuck, and Summer is all but canceled due to Covid-19. And on top of it all, many wonderful artists are leaving DA following the switch made to Eclipse which took place back in May. I know Eclipse is junk compared to the old DA but I don't see it as a reason to just give up. Some people have found sites that they feel better suits their needs. Others just disappeared without a word. Out of respect, I will not divulge any names.

I am really saddened by this. I long for the old days when this site was a more social place. But, I am not going anywhere. I am staying put as long as I can. And maybe, just maybe, I will see the Silver Lining at the end.